How do you make a cigarette lighter?
Take out all the tobacco.
Scientists have announced that we have made contact with an alien race who’s planet is entirely covered by one gigantic shopping center. The sceptical scientists didn’t believe it at first, but they’ve now confirmed that it’s a mall world after all.
Can a shoe box?
No. But a tin can.
Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lighted match. They want to catch him before he strikes again.
I’m glad you’re in the dough. I just might knead you.
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack .
A man walks into a dentist’s office and says, “Excuse me, can you help me. I think I’m a moth.” The dentist says, “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.” The man replies, “Yes, I know.” The dentist snaps back, “So why did you come in here?” The man says, “The light was on.”