T-Shirt Wisdom

Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Girls have feelings too. But like… who cares?

I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

Please don’t make me kill you.

And your point is…?

You KNOW you want me.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Filthy Stinking Rich … Well, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad

I Used Up All My Sick Days … So I Called In Dead

Husband and Cat Lost … Reward for Cat

Be Nice to Your Children … They’ll Pick Your Nursing Home

Husbands Should Come With Instructions

Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time

Even If You Lead a Good Life, Go to Church and Say Your Prayers, You’ll Still Go to Des Moines When You Die

Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same

I’m Not Suddenly a Dirty Old Man … I’ve Been Practicing Since 1949

Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton

Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt

Learn from Your Parents’ Mistakes … Use Birth Control

If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees