70 above
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
People in Michigan go swimming in the Lakes.

60 above
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.

50 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

40 above
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Superior’s water gets thicker.

20 above
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

People in Miami all die…
Michiganders lick the flagpole.

20 below
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic.
Michigan Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it
gets cold enough.

80 below
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
People in Michigan rent some videos.

100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganders get frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg.

297 below
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Michigan complain about farmers with cold hands.

460 below
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Michigan start saying, “Cold ’nuff for ya?”

500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Lions win the Super Bowl!

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